Most single ThirdAgers have experienced the frustrations and realities of middle-aged dating. As a result, we're wiser, and thus new dating trends have emerged. Here are nine things we've learned.
1. Meeting potential mates is difficult, but by getting out among people we can dramatically increase our chances of meeting someone special.
2. Pursuing activities and interests we enjoy is more important than going out just to meet a mate. People usually meet the partner of their dreams when they aren't looking, not when they are.
3. We may need to reach out across geographical boundaries to meet someone for us. The Internet makes that possible. We've found that by utilizing singles sites such as Thirdage Personals, we can meet available singles who are similarly motivated. We've learned that when dealing with strangers we must be cautious, because mixed in with good people are others with evil intentions.
4. It's acceptable for women to do the asking, planning and paying for dates, and to be more assertive in the dating scene. Women should carry name cards they can hand to men, making it easier for men to contact them.
5. We need to be approachable to increase our chances of meeting new people. The common thread of approachability is friendliness. A warm smile breaks down barriers and opens doors.
6. We need to have realistic expectations. Finding someone whose values and standards match ours -- a good companion -- is more important than how someone looks. And we believe we're never too old to find love or to feel chemistry.
7. Seeking a considerably younger mate isn't the answer. It's better to hook up with someone who thinks as young as we think. That could be someone older.
Others have found that forming a singles volunteer group is a good way to meet new friends. A year ago, the Aliso Viejo, Calif., Singles Volunteers started with five members; now they have 70. Members help charities while having fun and enriching their own lives.
ThirdAgers are resilient. We've adjusted to adversity before in our lives. Being single is just another challenge. And now that we're getting the hang of this dating thing, we're changing our thinking and our dating habits. We know that getting out of the house and being among people is the first step to finding love again.
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